Well, it’s been about a year since we had our photoshoot in Chateau Villandry, a wedding photography gift from my Mother-in-law. We can no longer fit into our respective wedding outfits – well I can with a squeeze and struggle with the zipper and bulge or two. The horrors!
Funny fuzzy feeling looking back and how time flies. Well, has married life changed? Not really despite having dated long and then short distance for half our relationship before living together for two years. Unlike most brides, I was dreading the wedding planning and was so obsessed about working on the marriage and working towards a happily ever after. Every day is a work in progress but my therapist assures me that I have made and continue to make progress by being present, mindful and aware as well as focus on communicating with clarity.
Macau life has been the toughest relocation I have done in my entire life and I suppose after nearly three years, I am finally finding my groove and sticking mostly to myself since the gossips, incessant complaints, bragging (offline and online) are pretty exhausting to deal with. Well, and of course every other day being mistaken for domestic help or a European passport hunting gold digger, thankfully my self esteem is healthy these days and I no longer have to punish myself inwardly seething with anger at the cruel belittling behaviour.
I wonder if expat life and intercultural/inter-racial marriages continue to be this challenging. Colonial literature is one of my favourite genres with vivid and colourful stories of the times, but the prevalence of this sort of labeling in this day and age just feels like we haven’t progressed as a civilisation. Granted there are plenty of women marrying out of poverty into a better life for love or passport access, plot of land – whatever. However, why not? When you are resourceful and entrepreneurial enough to do so and your man is happy to support you and your 20 family members back home and give your children access to International school education, plenty of travels around the world to brag about on social media. These women have done great! And there are many in our social circle. Not a crime.
With therapy over the years and constant self work, I realise how it rings true – empty vessels make the most noise and all the incessant bragging and Facebook hashtag hemorrhaging is a facade to disguise the insecurity of self, a chip off one’s shoulder. We all have that and everyone deals with their demons in their own way (except some very secure friends who don’t seem to have dementors!!) – I think the only difference is self awareness and mindfulness.
On the topic of books, I recommend my all time favourite Margueritte Duras L’Amant and quite recently I read Anne de Courcy’s The Fishing Fleet: husband hunting in the Raj
While Macau may be an intellectual and cultural desert, I have to say the libraries aren’t so bad and I am looking forward to catch up on all the fiction reading. I’ve donated a bunch of good fiction too in the midst of moving apartments. Then, there are the pockets of local treasures, my favourite pop up flea markets and the junk collector man on the street.
I’m sure I’ll get better at this, every place, situation and person is a lesson in itself.
