I haven’ t been big on the festive celebrations where everyone seem to go all out to party like there’s no tomorrow. Since going through cancer treatment and the gift that won’t stop giving – the reverberating side effects of chronic pain – my body feels broken from the inside out, I have been trying to mindfully live everyday and celebrating the little things and the wonderful people in my life.
2018 has been a ride and I am still alive and in remission. I am grateful for the all the lessons and continue to try to see beauty in everything. Some days it’s harder than others. I’ve had 5 scans in 2018 alone – 4 MRIs and a PET scan, 11 months of bilateral frozen shoulders, immobility and excruciating pain, and probably a lifetime worth of radioactive contrast dyes.
These beautiful reflections in my wine glass reminds me of bone scans.
And then, my husband and his team earned his third Michelin star, the pinnacle of a chef’s entire culinary career, joining the ranks of the elite chefs around the world – only 140 of them with three Michelin stars.
In 2018, despite the pain and lack of mobility, I travelled more than I imagined, discovered many new things and got to spend time with good old friends on the other side of the world. And the life changing experience of Vipassana camp in Kyoto – 100 hours of silent meditation in 10 days. I came out worse for wear, but I would do it again – to gain clarity in life, to recalibrate and to learn to stop resistance and cravings to everything in life.
Mostly, I learnt over 2018 not to take things personally and got better at recognising personal triggers. I also learnt to accept that I am not responsible for other people’s feelings when they take offence when they have been triggered. Life is too short for that all the drama. I really am enjoying the uneventful, modest life.
I grew up being terrified of being average and mediocre and worried about never being enough (for my parents), but these days, I couldn’t be more grateful for the painfree average life, that has its own meaning in everyday moments. The key is being present.
Being open and kind goes a long way and I want to continue doing so for 2019 and beyond and live a leaner life with less noise and transcending my own ego. I am enough and I have nothing to prove, and we all live and die, why aren’t we more kind?
Thank you to everyone who made my 2018 all the more meaningful. I hope to see more of you lovely people and my heart remains open for new people and experiences in life.
Finally, I am so grateful for our cats Smudge and Gaja, who complete our little family.
2019, life, new year, Personal