My parenting journey has been one of (mis)adventures. We were not planning on having children and given that it was medically not possible, I didn’t think I’d be sent down the rabbit hole of this hard work.
By some miracle I had my perfectly healthy rambunctious child in chemo-menopause and I’ve spent the last 4 years of his life trying not to fuck up – but I’ve surely done so in some form or the other.
With complex PTSD, I had no intention of bringing more intergenerational trauma to life and with little to no example of respectful/gentle/aware parenting as a reference, I desperately turned to books and plenty of workshops both in person and online, hoping not to repeat the same mistakes that my parents made.
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So what books to read for parenting? There’s so much stuff out there and I’ve narrowed it down for you through research and having spent the time and effort to read them. Every family is different so you have to figure out what works best for your child and your family.
parenting books list
Dr Becky of Good Inside is God sent. I subscribed for 2 years and it’s a great supportive community. Expensive, but I found alot of support (especially through Covid) and tips on managing challenging behaviour with an intensely emotional and deeply feeling child. The podcasts are free and her book “Good Inside” is available in many libraries. Mine is making its rounds amongst friends. I would re-read it again when it comes back to me.
Montessori Baby, toddler, Child I own and read all three. Highly recommend them if you’re planning or already pursuing the early childhood years of Montessori education. What I still can’t reconcile is how expensive it is in Asia and this was started by Dr Maria Montessori for working class parents in a very working class neighbourhood in Rome where both parents worked long shifts and there was a need for childcare. I wish it was made more accessible to every parent to empower kids to be independent self starters, something that’s innate.
I looked to Scandinavia and their parenting style because they always scored so high on the world’s happiest index and in Finland, kids don’t go to school till they are 6. They spend all their time playing, mostly outdoors. This is not quite possible in urban Hong Kong and many Asian cities – we don’t have forests and lakes in our backyard, but we try out best to get as much of this European outdoor time in the summer to make up for all the air-conditioned classrooms where kiddo is doing Montessori “work” activities. There’s no such thing as bad weather is another great book – go outdoors and play rain or shine. It goes against what every Asian mother was taught – you’d catch a cold playing outside in the rain, so I’ve had to get outside of my comfort zone and do things I was told not to do, so that my son could brave all weather conditions and learn to show up regardless of weather. Life goes on, we pivot – rainboots, raincoat etc
This got me onto the next book on Danish Way of Parenting. It’s an easy digestible read, nothing we don’t already known but it’s condensed the key messages: play, reframing and the importance of quality time together (no screens) and just being a present parent, which sounds so simple but isn’t the easiest to do in the age of managing all household tasks and calendars with the phone.
I looked into respectful parenting and Aware Parenting – there are so many terms these days and I can’t keep up. I would recommend the two books I read by Dr Aletha Solter, they were helpful, and straightforward, digestable. I read Aware Baby, Attachment Play to build connections and manage explosive temper tantrums.
Reparenting ourselves
Finally, these two books are for us parents doing the work on reparenting ourselves: The book you wish your parents had read and The Conscious Parent, which comes with a foreword by His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
If you like me are planning to get off screens more, it’s time to get back to physical books – go to the nearest library, or purchase some books. We have to model behaviour we want to see in our kids.
I’m still getting through The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt which really should be mandatory reading for us in this day and age. If you’re not a reader, at least look up the podcasts. I highly recommend it. And there is hope for our future.
I’m starting the P.E.T (Parent Effectiveness Training) course this January and really looking forward to it. I’ve borrowed and read the library book, but really looking forward to case studies and discourse on how to manage challenging situations, meltdowns and prepare for the teenage years to come. If you haven’t already realised, I like being prepared. haha.
As we wrap up this exploration of the top parenting books I’ve read this year, I hope you’ve found some inspiration to help break the cycle and enrich your parenting journey. Each of these books offers unique insights and practical strategies that can make a real difference in your approach to raising happy, well-adjusted children. Whether you’re looking for guidance, reassurance, or fresh ideas, I encourage you to pick up one or more of these titles. Happy reading, and here’s to nurturing a better future for our little ones!
