Happy 6 years of motherhood to myself! I’ve survived but the road is long and I have been told that the nightmare teenage years have not arrived, so save some energy for the years to come!
So, kiddo turned six over the weekend with a little gathering with his closest childhood friends – a simple request of pool, pizza and cake. The sunny weather held up and it was a full on day of fun and mayhem in the house. He requested a Snorlax cake which the inimitable chef Ringo Chan at Four Seasons Hong Kong delivered. I’m not a dessert person at all, but I love his raspberry chocolate cake and he’s a master chef at making kids’ birthday cake dreams come true.
We’ve been enjoying pottery sessions together – excellent for my nervous system and lowering my skyhigh cortisol levels, and great for his motorskills and working with hand-eye-foot coordination with his foot on the pedal of the pottery wheel. We love Tung Yao Ceramics in Hong Kong. Ask for teacher Ramila, she’s a riot and fantastic with kids!
This birthday he did one with his grandmother visiting from France. It’s apparently a milestone birthday for a child to turn six and begin formal education, so she’s flown all the way here to celebrate him.
The first week had gone really well, but post birthday weekend, he’s morphed into a sullen and rude demon. I was told that six is a funny age where they fiercely want independence yet fall back into baby behaviours. I guess we’re dealing with this right now.
trials and tribulations of motherhood
Where do I begin? The six years have been filled with joy and some heart wrenchingly difficult days that test your sanity and very being. I came into motherhood by chance, I am not a kid person and never desired to have children of my own. Mostly, I never had a role model of what motherhood looked like and I am somewhat estranged from my mother. I was hyperindependent from early childhood, simply because there was never a mother figure to depend on, neither in adulthood.
I’ve been working hard on breaking the cycle of intergenerational trauma and trying my best not to fuck up my own child.
The days are still long, especially so as I’m solo parenting 95% of the time, but the years have become truly short…I’ve read endlessly about how we’d never know when is the last… the last time he needs to be cuddled and put to bed… the last time he needs to be walked to school… the lasts are difficult to document because they suddenly come about when they are ready.
My son used to be a barnacle and while that’s improved vastly over the year, he’s still very attached to me as a key caregiver, for which I’m grateful for. I think apart from considering motherhood, another question that weighs heavily on my mind is how to create a memorable childhood and one that builds on joy and resilience and how to be a good human being.
If you have a strong willed child like mine, I highly recommend the book: Setting limits with strong willed children. If you’re new here and new to parenting, welcome! Here’s a list of books that I found profoundly helpful when I first started on this journey.
I reflect upon this poem by Diane Loomans in my home office wall alot. It’s poignant and true, but when you’re deep in the trenches, it’s difficult to remember these tips on how to be more present, be more playful when you’re just trying to survive a long day.
I hope he will continue to love cleaning and doing chores. I pray the enthusiasm and skills continue into adulthood. Most of all, I hope that he will find joy in everyday life and grow up kind and inclusive, and in some shape or form make the world a better place by solving problems in this big crazy world.
